R Cawkwell

Review: Billy Plonka and the Grot Laboratory, by Ian Billings

Blurb

Billy Plonka – the Prince of Stink, the Monarch of Muck, the Sultan of Slime, the Duke of Dregs and the King of Kak. He’s the most extraordinary maker of GROT in the entire world, and he’s invited 5 individuals (Orson Ploop – An overweight kazoo playing protégé; Victoria Scabb – 259th in line to the English throne; Viola Mudguard – 11-year-old, ex-Wollywood star; Spike Peecee – A self-obsessed dweeb who can never disconnect from the Internet; and Marley Suckett – An anti-hero), to visit his world-famous Grot Laboratory, and step into an adventure they will never forget!

Your tour is about to start. Don’t wander off . YOU! Yes, YOU! I’m talking to YOU! Mr. Plonka would hate to lose you along the way… READ IT!!!  BILLY PLONKA AND THE GROT LABORATORY- the 100% unofficial official parody of one of the greatest children’s stories of all time.

This modern re-telling of the Roald Dahl’s ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ stays true to the wonderful wit of Dahl, but brings the tale into the modern age with a lovely twist at the end. Each character meets their grotty fate as they go on their tour of The Grot Laboratory – as the name suggests, a disgusting place full of scumpiddlinoxious fumes and materials. Words reminiscent of Dahl fill the pages – Whi-ffi (it’s like wifi only smellier), whazzplop and picklescooper to name but a few.

Audiobook Review: The Jasmine Throne, by Tasha Suri, narrated by Shiromi Arserio

54818327. sx318 — Audiobook
Published June 8th 2021 by Orbit
ISBN:154910487X (ISBN13: 9781549104879)
Series: Burning Kingdoms #1

Tasha Suri’s The Jasmine Throne begins the powerful Burning Kingdoms trilogy, in which two women–a long-imprisoned princess and a maidservant in possession of forbidden magic–come together to rewrite the fate of an empire.

Exiled by her despotic brother when he claimed their father’s kingdom, Malini spends her days trapped in the Hirana: an ancient, cliffside temple that was once the source of the magical deathless waters, but is now little more than a decaying ruin.

A servant in the regent’s household, Priya makes the treacherous climb to the Hirana every night to clean Malini’s chambers. She is happy to play the role of a drudge so long as it keeps anyone from discovering her ties to the temple and the dark secret of her past.

But when Malini bears witness to Priya’s true nature, their destinies become irrevocably tangled. One is a vengeful princess seeking to steal a throne. The other is a powerful priestess seeking to find her family. Together, they will set an empire ablaze.

I tried a weight management programme for 18 months and all I got was worse mental health

This is a long one, get comfy. I don’t talk about personal stuff much now, since my blog has evolved into a book blog from a general/mental health blog.

For the first time in 18 months, I weighed myself today. Last time I got weighed was at the start of 2020 when I was weighed at the start of a ‘get active’ programme with the local leisure centres, where I started swimming two to three times a week, and then a ‘weight management programme’ a few weeks later.

I will be talking about weight and BMI, so if that’s not a happy thing for you to think about, probably best not to read on.

I haven’t lost or gained any weight, but apparently I’m 6 centimetres shorter than I was in February last year…

Blog tour calendar: Billy Plonka and the Grot Laboratory, by Ian Billings

Blog tour calendar: What Lies Buried, by Kerry Daynes

Review: Anthracite, by Matt Thomas

PAPERBACK 978-1-78965-147-8
5 August 2021
£10.99 / $14.99 / C$19.99 /€11.66
Science Fiction /
Humorous

Blurb

Deadbeat Kevin Jones finds himself kidnapped to an alternative reality where Wales is the single global superpower. Abducted from his mundane existence by the mysterious Gwen, she tells him there are forces seeking his destruction – he has to run or die. It turns out Kevin’s story holds the key to why all worlds but ours turn out the way they do – Pax Cambria.

Featuring a host of mysterious characters, cheese-on-toast based fast food, altright druids and the deadly all-knowing Taffia, Anthracite begins the battle to address the woeful lack of Welsh themed comedy cyberpunk. The fearsome Jones-Corporation might run the world but they have a dirty little secret they don’t want to get out. Swansea has never looked more like near-future LA. It’s already got the rain.

Review: Fireborn, by Aisling Fowler

Publisher: Harper Collins
Length: 384 Pages
Publishing: 30^th September 2021
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Fireborn-1-Aisling-Fowler/dp/0062996711/
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56554614-fireborn

Blurb

Lyra. Lucy. Percy. Once in a generation, a hero emerges whose story enthralls readers worldwide.

Fireborn is an epic quest, perfect for fans of the His Dark Materials and The School for Good and Evil series, that will spin readers into a magical world like no other–and introduce them to an unforgettable new heroine named Twelve.

Ember is full of monsters.

Twelve gave up her name and identity to train in the art of hunting them–so she says. The truth is much more deadly: she trains to take revenge on those who took her family from her.

But when Twelve’s new home is attacked, she’ll find herself on an unexpected journey, where her hidden past is inescapably intertwined with her destiny–and the very fate of her world.

Review: Kings & Daemons, by Marcus Lee

Length: 416 Pages
Publishing: 25^th May 2020
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Kings-Daemons-Fantasy-Adventure-Gifted/dp/B092W6T9DP/
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/53835724-kings-and-daemons

Blurb

If you like fantasy tales of conquest, dark kings, daemonic heroes, and magic, you’ll love ‘Kings and Daemons’ by Epic Fantasy author, Marcus Lee. This is a spellbinding Dark Fantasy novel which will enchant you with its plot of ambition, revenge, love, and tragedy. What the gods give with one hand, they take away with the other, for if you are gifted, you shall also be cursed.

—–

Over fifty years have passed since Daleth the seemingly immortal Witch-King, and his army conquered the Ember Kingdom.

Now, with the once fertile lands and its enslaved people dying around him, the Witch-King, driven by his insatiable thirst for eternal youth, prepares his forces to march on the prosperous neighbouring Freestates. It will be the beginnings of a conquest that could destroy nations, bringing death and destruction on an unimaginable scale.

Then, when a peasant huntress whose rare gift was concealed from birth is exposed, it sets in motion a chain of events that could alter the destiny of generations to come.

Blog tour calendar: Anthracite, by Matt Thomas

Children’s Picture Book Review: D.M. Mullan’s Curious Tales – Hector, by D.M. Mullan, Illustrated by Kirsteen Harris-Jones

Blurb

If something is missing, and you’re feeling blue, you could learn from Hector, who feels this way too.

This little genius lives in an upside down boat, and he grunts from his hill like a grumpy old goat:

“Hector van Groat needs no one but Hector, because he is a genius, a crazy inventor!”

Book #1 in the D.M. Mullan’s Curious Tales series.

D.M. Mullan’s Curious Tales

D.M. Mullan’s Curious Tales is a series of peculiar modern fables from author D.M. Mullan and illustrator Kirsteen Harris-Jones.

With a classic rhyming style and wonderfully quirky illustrations, each book centres around a unique little individual and tells their story all whilst