NaPoWriMo day 23

It’s been a few days since I felt able to write poetry but I think I’ve got something forming.

I will leave the house today

I could leave the house today,
It’s lovely outside.
The sun is bright,
It’s probably fairly warm.

I should leave the house today.
Errands need to be done.
Promises need to be kept,
And the exercise is probably good for me.

I will leave the house today.
I will leave the house today.
I will leave the house today.
I will leave the house today.
I will leave the house today.
I will leave the house today!

I haven’t been outside since I got back from Dad’s on Monday evening, about 40 hours. That’s not the longest I’ve gone hiding in my room, but now instead of being paralyzed by black depression, I mainly refuse to leave the house because of unspecified anxiety.

I’m not feeling that today (that was yesterday), I’m just tired. I think it’s people exposure exhaustion. I’ve been working so much lately (‘normal’ working hours to other people) and then on my day off I had to cope with  visitors all day. I haven’t had the chance to find balance, my equilibrium has been knocked about. I have to find that serenity today before I go back to work tomorrow.

I’m not sure how long I can keep up the new work schedule. I’m just glad they accepted that I couldn’t work the six days a week I was originally asked to do.

I’m not sure how long this new arrangement will last anyway, given that the factory is shutting later this year. I need to do the hours while they’re available, so that I’ve got a ‘rainy day fund’ if nothing turns up once the job ends. I expect I’ll be mardy and exhausted until then.

It’s fun being an introvert with anxiety and depression. I would recommend everyone try it before forming an opinion.