Category Archives: Depression

16th April 2016

In January I lost my job, the managers cited ‘concern for my health’ but their attitude said they didn’t want someone with mental health conditions working for them. It’s not the first time I’ve dealt with that attitude and I’m sure it won’t be the last. Officially, employers aren’t allowed to discriminate on the grounds of mental health conditions, but if you have a zero-hours contract all they have to do is say they don’t need you any more.Continue reading “16th April 2016”

April Fool’s Day

Or as I like to think of it, ‘Where am I going to get enough birthday cards? day’. A few people have their birthdays today, which is slightly more important to me than poor practical jokes or gags on Facebook. Luckily my gran provided me with a box of cards last year so I have a selection. They’re quite pretty too.

I’m not leaving my house for another half hour at least, just to be on the safe side.

Slightly anxious today. I’ve had to ring people about various things and now my anxiety is all over the place. Is it odd that phoning people makes me anxious?

I have my quarterly landlord’s inspection in two weeks and I had to call the lettings agent to confirm that I’ll be in.

I had to ring my solicitor back after I missed his call. He’s nice but it’s a difficult thing to do; it’s technical most of the time, to do with my back injury compensation claim. We’re at an important stage.

I’m a bit disappointed as well, I thought I was seeing Dad tomorrow but now I’m not. Bit down in the dumps about it; I was looking forward to sending a few hours with him and doing some gardening.

Ah well, best be off, the dogs are demanding nose scratching.

My companions, otherwise known as the Hell Hounds

Are complete and utter cowards. It rained earlier and the sound of rain on the windows had them in fits of terror normally reservered for Bonfire Night.
Continue reading “My companions, otherwise known as the Hell Hounds”

Walking pictures, or, I left the house today

image

Walking back from the doctors surgery and I saw this little one flitting about. Cheered me up slightly. My anxiety and depression is playing up today and my back is painful. I’m finally getting some physio though, after four years of being fobbed off and ignored, and told it’ll fix itself if I lose weight, or it’s all in my head.
image

Shared from WordPress – Garlic Bread of the Revolution

Garlic Bread of the Revolution – http://wp.me/p5MCkF-1Lo

I’ve made bread today because of this post from Gods&Radicals; as ever it’s made from whatever I had in the cupboard. This one has dried rosemary in it, a bit of rapeseed oil, honey, salt, dried yeast, flour and water. Not much in the way of measures since I do everything by eye and touch – I know when the dough is right.
The bread is rising at the minute, and the butter for the garlic butter is softening on the side. I will be making garlic bread later 🙂

Going out to tidy the back garden now and consider what I need to do to get it productive this year.

My brain is a bit wobbly today so I think being outside will be good for me but I’m not up to walking the dogs. They’re fine with that, they’re sunbathing in my bedroom 🙂

Edit: the bread is almost cooked and looks lovely. The garlic and herb butter is made. The loaf is so big I’ll have to cut a piece off to make the garlic bread with.

Further edit: I have garlic bread, it is amazing. Bow before my culinary skills.

Actually, don’t bow down to me, or anybody else. It’s bad for your back.

New Year’s Reflections

Good morning and happy new year.

It’s that time of year again when people make all sorts of resolutions to change their behaviour, usually in some superficial way, for the coming year. As usual, I am refusing to play along. It’s still winter(and will be for another few months), I’m in hibernation mode, so instead of making resolutions I’m reflecting on the past year and considering what I’ve learnt.

This year has been a struggle with my mental health conditions and with financial instability. I think I’ve come to the new year slightly stronger than I was a year ago. I can deal with household crises if I have a bit of back up when I have to deal with companies (thanks Elaine and Dad), and I can make my money stretch to cover the odd treat as well as the bills. I’m still struggling with social interaction. Parties and crowds overwhelm me, too much noise feels like it’s worming it’s way in to my head. I have coping strategies now though and I can apply them. I just have to remember to. I’m remembering to eat regularly and take my medication, most of the time, and I try to not go too many days without leaving the house.

I’ve learnt that there are certain things I need to do to maintain my mental health, boundaries I need to maintain and thoughts I have to question. Just because my mind is telling me my friends are ignoring me and that I’ve been abandoned, (In have massive problems with feeling abandoned by people and always have – there is nothing rational about this) that doesn’t make it real. Just because my brain is telling me I’m an inconvenience to everyone, that doesn’t make it true. I need to express how I feel rather than bottling it up and then exploding with irrational rage. Saying ‘you hurt me when you do/say/etc. this’ is not more trouble than it’s worth. People aren’t going to stop loving me because I’m being honest (and most of them are used to my randomness anyway).

I’ve learnt that I can survive pretty much anything, because I have gone through a lot in the last few years and yet, despite coming close on occasion, I am still alive. I have a job and friends, a supportive family and my meds. This year will be better than last, I’m determined that it will.

Happy New Year

Rose

xXx

Review: ‘Furiously Happy’ by Jenny Lawson

image

Pan Macmillan
24th September 2015
ISBN 9781447238324

Furiously Happy is a book about mental illness, but under the surface it’s about embracing joy in fantastic and outrageous ways. And who doesn’t need a bit more of that?

Continue reading “Review: ‘Furiously Happy’ by Jenny Lawson”

Work Capability Assessment: The Results Are In

And I’ve been found not fit for work. What’s more, they’ve put me in the support group, so I shouldn’t get hassled by the job center. Seven months after my initial application, and I’ve finally got my answer, it’s such a relief to know now instead of being in limbo. The constant trips to the doctors have been exhausting, I’ll only need to go when my condition worsens from now on, or for unrelated problems. I got the first notification, from the job center actually, rather than the official ESA notification letter, last Saturday. I’ve been waiting to make sure everything was confirmed before I passed on the news.
Continue reading “Work Capability Assessment: The Results Are In”