Category Archives: Other Writing

No peace all week

This morning, while I was feeling in low spirits, I wrote this rant.
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By the time I finished work tomorrow I’ll have worked nine days out of ten. And on my day off I went to college all afternoon. I haven’t had any time away from people. The result is that right now I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. I can’t escape from all these people; even when they don’t need me for anything the constant presence of other people, the constant noise, is driving me mad.

I need to get away, go somewhere quiet, with no people, for a day or so. But I can’t, I have to go to college and shopping, the library and to visit friends.

I want to cry, but crying at work is a bad idea, people start asking what’s wrong, and apparently ‘I’m tired’ isn’t a good enough reason to be mardy.

Damn it I have to get back to work now.

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I apologise to anyone who normally reads my blog for my reviews. I’ve been going through some stuff lately and it’s leaked in to my writing.

You might be interested to know I’m feeling slightly better. I talked to the duty manager at my work and when I explained that I was exhausted and it wad affecting everything he was very understanding. Actually talking about why I was feeling so bad made me feel better.

Roll on 2pm tomorrow. A decent night’s sleep and I should start to feel better again.

Thanks for reading, normal service will be resumed ASAP

Rose

I should be writing up short stories…

But instead I’m crocheting granny squares. I think it might be because I’m tired and I can crochet while half asleep, whereas I prefer to be vaguely aware when I write.

I probably won’t get any writing done until next week now. The reason for this deplorable state of affairs is that I’m doing a little over time, to cover a full-time member of the tech department’s holiday. I usually only work weekends so working nine days out of ten is killing me. I’ve had today off, but spent all afternoon at college, so now I’m exhausted again. Basically, I’ll finally be able to get back to my scribbling on Monday, after college. I probably won’t want to look at a computer at that point.

When did I get so busy?

I only work part-time; that should leave plenty of time for reading, writing and staring longingly at books, CD’s and gig tickets I can’t afford right now, but I don’t seem to have much free time.

To be fair though, working part-time has been good for me. I’ve been able to earn a little bit of money while still having enough time to get a couple more qualifications and spend time reading, reviewing and other writing. I still need my medication just to cope with work, and I need to sleep a lot of the time (so nothing new there), but I’m managing a little better. It helps that I’ve moved departments at work as well. I’m marginally less bored, my hours are pretty much guaranteed and the people I work with are nice. They think I’m weird, but at least they’re happy to tolerate me finding a quiet corner to write in when I get really bored. Also, the manager signed my holiday forms so I have a couple of weekends off in October. I’m going to see Reckless Love, who’s new album is out at the end of August (it’s on my to buy list already) , and HIM, who I may have mentioned on a couple of occasions.

On the subject of gigs I’m planning to go to later in the year, I plan to go to see Alter Bridge in mid-October and 30 Seconds to Mars in late November. There is also a possible plan to go to Amsterdam in early November in the works as well. Depends on flight, trains and hostels, total cost and whether it’s manageable. While there I may go to see 30 Seconds to Mars, as a few of my friends/acquaintances will be going.

I’ve never been abroad before, which is a shocking thing for anyone my age to say, or so it would appear, from people’s reactions.

I’ve been thirty for nine days now, and I actually feel quite good about it. I had all sorts of plans when I was younger; none of them involved being at home still, and working a low paid part-time, if semi-professional, job because I live in a back water and am psychologically incapable of full-time work at the moment.

The pressure is off; I failed to live up to the expectations I and everyone else had of me. I’m out of my twenties and now my life is probably set. I’m never going to be a great scientist, or even a half-way decent academic, because I made a complete hash if it all. So instead I’ll do what I wanted to do before I got talked into choosing a ‘sensible’ career, a choice I regret making. I like playing in labs, really I do, and studying at Durham was brilliant, but I really would have been happier if I hadn’t felt pressured to give up hiding in libraries with my head in a book or scribbling stories.

So, feeling like a failure because I hadn’t lived up to expectation I went off to Download to celebrate my birthday, and do you know what? I had a complete change of heart. As we were packing away the tent it struck me; that part of my life is over. I don’t have to live in the shadow of ‘might have been, should have been’ any more. I accept that failure, and now I’m going to make a successful life for myself without that shadow hovering over me. Yes, I’m broke, and I live at home still, but so what? I get to read books, listen to music, watch films and plays, and go to gigs or do other bits of travelling, and write about it. I accept that right now all I earn is a few free books, but free books are free books! I’ll work on that, give me time to build my confidence and a scrapbook of writing, and maybe I’ll get some paid writing work. It’s cool if I don’t, because I like writing and I wont stop, but it would be great if I could earn a little cash from it.

Until then, I’ll keep working at the factory and dreaming.

And that blog post was way longer, more emotional and honest than I get in public, and actually covered thoughts I hadn’t planned to share with the world. See this is what happens when I’m tired; I can’t control what gets written down. My brain to fingers filter goes away (my brain to gob filter is non-existent anyway). I think I should probably stop rambling now, make my sandwich for my packing-up for work tomorrow and go to bed.

A brief look at Midsummer traditions in northern Europe

It’s midsummer weekend, the time of year when it finally starts to look a bit like summer is putting in an appearance and I get next to no sleep. Midsummer is not celebrated now in England but it was once, and it occurred to me that it would be interesting to see whether other countries have traditions. I know that in Finland, at least, midsummer weekend is a public holiday. I know this because one of my friends is Finnish and she complains about the excessive drinking.

After doing a tiny amount of research I’ve found it is or was a fairly common festival in northern Europe; in some countries, especially Scandinavia, it is the most important holiday after Christmas and New Year. A common feature of these celebrations is their association with St John the Baptist and bonfires.

The bonfires are older than the St. John connection by all accounts. There are 4th century references to the Aquitainian custom of rolling a fire wheel down a hill, there are 13th century references to bonfires and fires wheels on Midsummer Eve in England, as well as references from the later centuries to bonfire traditions, and contemporary Scandinavian practice. The significance of the bonfires has been given as a blessing, a means of purifying livestock and people. The best I’ve read, from the middle ages, is that it’s a great way to scare off dragons.

The only connection to Saint John is that his saint’s day, 24th June, is coincidentally at the same approximate time as the midsummer solstice. It has been suggested, repeatedly, that this is a deliberate association made by the Christian authorities during the conversion period in order to convince people to convert from their own religions to Christianity. I happen to think there is a grain of truth in this suggestion. Since John the Baptist was supposed to have been born six months before Jesus, and the birth of Jesus had been decided on as the 25th December, ergo John the Baptist must have been born 24th June. In addition there was an order given by Rome that temples should be reconsecrated as churches and feast days re-dedicated from ‘devils’ to the honour of the Christian god.

This subject is going to need much more research than I have time for this evening, so after this incredibly brief look at the Midsummer traditions of northern Europe, I’m going to get back to my books. Mountains of books to read and review. Maybe I’ll have a proper essay written for next midsummer.

Bye,

Rose

New books from the library

I went for a trip to the library today, to take back a book and came home with three more.

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I’ve read a few Jasper Fforde books, so I thought I’d give this one a go. It features a recurring character Thursday Next.

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It’s been a while since I read any classic horror and one of the librarians brought this book to my attention.

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I love Tom Holt’s comic fantasy, this is the first historical fiction novel of his I’ve read though. I’m a decent way into it already and it’s very enjoyable do far.

Expect reviews sometime in the next few weeks.

Got to go to the day job tomorrow, so I shall disappear for a few days. Bye,

Rose

Addendum to Download Festival Review part 1

Despite the rain and noise, I had a really good time camping with my friends. We ended up with a lodger sleeping in our porch for two nights as well. It’s been years since I went camping for more than a night and I actually enjoyed the experience.

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The Village was great, I got to try food I’d never had before and it was certainly an eye opener. There were all sorts of people there of all ages, and every one was there to have a good time. It was a good atmosphere, even if it did reek of weed. This is not an odour I like.

So, yes I had a great time over my birthday weekend with Lellibo and Shelley (and Mark the unexpected lodger). Thanks guys, same time next year?

Rosie

In non-Download related news …

I’ve finally got my twelve stories written for the collection I’m writing, the first drafts anyway. I need to type them up and do a first edit, give them to people to read through and then maybe edit a couple more times. After that I don’t know what to do with them.

Should I publish as an ebook?

Also, soon I will be being sent my first paper book to review by a publisher, The Devil’s Ribbon by DE Meredith. I’ve reviewed e-books for publishers recently so this is a new development for me.
And a free book is a free book after all.

Best be off, books to read, reviews to write, the usual, bye.

Rose

Brain finally in order, now where do I start?

I’ve been trying to decide where to start with my posts about Download Festival. I think I’ll start with my impressions, since I want to add videos and such to my reviews.

I definitely enjoyed the experience, although I did keep noting things to do differently next year. That will be the subject of another post, I think. I was very tired by Monday morning and napped in the car on the way back. It was quiet when I got home and that felt weird, after several days if constant noise.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start at the beginning rather than the end, shall we?

Thursday morning arrived and I was incredibly nervous, scared something would go wrong, or I’d forget something vital. I knew I had everything, because I’d packed, checked, repacked and rechecked it all.

Getting there wasn’t too stressful as we had sat nav and Download is well sign posted once we got close enough. Once there we had to get everything to the campsite. It’s quite a walk from the drop off point to the campsite. Getting through the check in process was easy, as there was quite a few people available to do bag and ticket checks. The only problem we had was convincing the stewards that we didn’t have any alcohol with us (we didn’t, because we hadn’t been able to get any on the way) and the bag checker deliberately missunderstood me when I said my bag contained food and boots, insisting I’d meant booze. I know my dialect can be a bit odd, and my accent strong, but if I’d had alcohol with me I’d have said precisely what I was carrying. My companion was asked if we didn’t drink. Why do people make assumptions like that?

By this point I was tired, frustrated and losing patience with the world in general. But, I remembered that the next few days included HIM and Sacred Mother Tongue, and soldiered on with a smile.

Even the thunderstorm didn’t get me down. We were at Download, we’d got our tent up with the help of a neighbour and had a cup of tea. I resorted to having a quiet cup of tea and doing some writing whenever things got a little too much.

The most overwhelming aspect of it all was the constant noise, even early in the morning, and the lack of sleep. I coped with it all better than I thought I would, especially once the rest if our group arrived and I stopped stressing about their safe arrival. We discussed it on Sunday morning, and came to the conclusion that because I was with people I love and trust, was fairly happy, taking my medication regularly (they made sure I took it when I had my breakfast) and was able to escape to the relative solitude of the tent when I needed to, I could cope with the experience better than most people predicted.

One thing I did though was religiously tidy; having a tidy environment helps me feel better. I felt uncomfortable on the campsite because everyone else just dumped their rubbish around their tents.

The familiarity of drunk people also seemed odd. Download is a place where the normal rules of social interaction no longer apply, so being drunk at 9 am and spending three days wearing a pikachu onsie is perfectly acceptable but refusing to high five or hug random drunk strangers makes you a bitch. I didn’t speak much to people I didn’t know, though I made polite small talk while waiting in various queues and at various stalls.

So, all in all, for a person who struggles with social interaction, loud and aggressive people/situations and strange places, I don’t think I did too badly. It is possible to go to a festival and enjoy it if you concentrate on one thing at a time, are with people you trust and know that you have a place to retreat to if necessary. Next year I’m going to try actually getting to know the people around me.

I’m going now, I need to get a few things done today, now that I’m home.

Later today: lessons for next year.

Bye

Rose

I’m back from Download Festival

I’m home, clean, exhausted and a little bit drunk. It is my birthday after all.

That aside, give me a chance to sleep and get my brain in order and I’ll tell you about Download; bands, shopping, food, friends, queuing and zipline pinata. And the thunderstorm on Thursday.

Bye bye, from a rather sleepy,

Rose

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